It was a Monday night.

The time was 8:00pm.

Wal*Mart was the scene of my tragedy.

On my shopping list were 5 items, throw pillows (if there were any cute ones), light bulbs, storage bins, nails, and flowers.  I know a totally random list but hey, that’s what makes Wal*Mart so great, right?

First item – Throw pillows: there were no cute ones so that one remains on the list.

Second item – Light bulbs: Can’t a girl find cheap 75 cent light bulbs?  People we are in a recession!  I swear the only ones I could find were the $5.00 energy efficient, go green, and last 50 years ones.  Hello, I won’t be living in this apartment for the next 50 years.  I just want the cheap non energy efficient, not going green, and only last for 5 minutes kind. Nope didn’t find them so this is still on my list.

Third item: nails… yep, found ’em and crossed it off my list.

Fourth item: Storage bins, you know the 18 gallon ones.  Nope couldn’t find these either.  You guessed it they are still on my list.

By now I am thinking… what is happening here!  I thought this was suppose to be a one stop shop.  Hello, 1 out of 4 is not good.  Now, some of you might be thinking I just missed these items but they were really in the store… to you I say: not so.  You are talking to the girl who knows this store and they were not there.

and now for the fifth item…. the flowers.

When I went into the store I was planning on buying real flowers, I usually pick some up just to help spruce up my house, and I read an article that said if you have them around your house you are more likely to lose weight (hey, I figure I can use all the help I can get so I buy them).  ANYWAYS, as I was making my way over to the other side of the store the next thing I know i’m passing the row where they sell “fake flowers” (you know the ones I am talking about?  These are the plastic ones that your grandma has at her house.  The ones that shes had for 25 years and everyone knows they are not real due to the 5 inches of dust on the petals…yep, those are the ones).

As I am passing I start thinking to myself what a cost savings it would be to get “fake flowers” to put in my vase as opposed to the real one.  So I turn my cart around, make my way down the isle, and I find myself starting to assemble a little bouquet of flowers.  Mind you, that as I am doing this I am being ever so careful as to not to pick the flowers that are frayed on the edges so I can fool anyone who visits my house into thinking they are real. As I get all of my flowers together I start noticing that I am the only one in the isle that is under the age of 100.  That’s when I had to drop the flowers and run!

HELLO!  What was I thinking?  Was I being serious!  How old am I?  Fake Flowers?  What will I be shopping for next…”depends”!

This was a tragic event on so many levels.  I am only writing about it to remind myself, and any of you, that the fake flowers never “fake-out” anyone.  Everyone knows there not real.  The plastic centers and the frayed petals are ALWAYS a dead give away. And lets be honest, there hasn’t been much advancement in the “fake flower” industry in the last 1,000 years…that’s why they all still look fake.

As you can imagine in the midst of such a tragic event all I could think about was getting out of the store and that is exactly what I did.

As a result the fifth item is still on my list.